Archive for March, 2013

Wanted: a spam filter for my brain

Friday, March 29th, 2013

I was getting so fed up with all of the spam comments on this blog that I stopped writing new posts and didn’t even visit my own site for a few weeks. Thankfully, I have now found a spam filter that seems to be keeping all of those useless posts away, so I’m back to blogging now.

That experience got me to thinking about how nice it would be if my brain had a spam filter, too. You see, I’ve become increasingly aware that I have a barrage of unwanted thoughts that could be considered spam. Some of them are just annoying distractions, like when I can’t get a certain song out of my head, or when I’m trying to pray and instead find myself thinking about my grocery list.

The spam I’d really like to get rid of, though, is more harmful than that. It consists of negative messages that I’ve internalized over the years, messages like “You’re not good enough,” “You don’t deserve to be loved,” and “You’ll never get it right.” With the help of women like Christine Arylo and Amy Ahlers (co-founders of Inner Mean Girl Reform School and authors of excellent books on this topic; see the “knowing and loving yourself” section on the “resources” page of this website for details,, I’m learning to recognize those destructive messages as lies, and replace them with truths that I know at a deeper level.

I would bet that you have an inner critic that fills your brain with similar lies. If you have discovered ways to counter those lies and have learned to not just accept but truly love yourself just as you are, please share what works for you in the comments below. If you still believe that those lies accurately reflect the truth about you, please share that, too, and know that you are not alone and there are many different online communities, books, group and individual coaching programs, and other sources of support which you will be led to when you are ready to begin embracing the reality that you are a precious treasure, a beautiful creation of God worthy of love and respect.